Paula Laureen Henderson

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I am spent. Each petal of the rose in which my heart should cherish, is nothing more than overlooked enchantment meant to seduce the bride I will never be. I have lost my innocence to friends desires laced with seducing spirits and self-indulgent fantasies. Yet as I watch them clasp for truth they denied from my sword like tongue I weep with regret as though I have failed God, in my meaningless journey. I am lonely as I watch my coworkers cut the crusts off their cheese sandwiches so delicately placed in order to hide their mediocre chaos. Yet each story fascinates me with the weakness of their ideologies based on presumption. I remember their pause as they excused their decisions and laid their hands on their silk blouses hoping that the softness of the fabric would melt their hardened hearts. I too am hardened, because I no longer see the value of justice and mercy, only the obsessive need to be right which is the foundation of all international wars. Yet, if I retreat they will let me die like a dog alone in the prairie fields of unfulfilled dreams and windy whispers accusing the warriors who once fought with strength and character. My hope is deferred like that of an abused child wanting only to see a night without consequences for thinking and breathing. I lay on the bed hoping to see the sunlight revive me and feel the wind remind my lungs to breathe, but instead I face loud voices and angry tones. Yet if I close my eyes I may have clarity in a dream setting my course straighter on this journey wasted by my bended pose and my naïve wish to smell the roses that once bloomed. I am spent.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Do Unto Others as You would have them do unto You.

Maybe Your Mother Lied! The problem is ……we do unto others as we would do unto ourselves! I know, right now your back is up because you have warm feelings of the woman who made you a quilt and hot chicken soup around November when the winds of winter drifted into your town like an unwelcome neighbor. Mom taught us to say a right word in season, to keep our hands off the table, except when we ate deep fried chicken, and she explained repetitively that changing the toilet paper roll made sense……..especially when it was us who stared at the empty roll at the most inconvenient time.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you has been one of societies moral phrases, tried and true for over a thousand years. The problem is…..if I did unto others as I would have them do unto me, they would convince me to eat nachos, fill me coke and coffee for the commute home after a long day at the office answering phone calls and occasionally banging my forehead on the computer screen. I would want them to tell me I am not fat even though I cannot see the seatbelt anymore, and have them tell me that work, and “being busy” is much more important than the apology my family is waiting for. The bottom line is…….some of us keep doing! We do, because we are too scared to think, frightened to hear ourselves weep over the miscommunication we had with our family. If we keep doing, eventually it will all even out, and our communities will be safe…..we tell ourselves. And so…….others do unto us….
Our communities are not safe. While we were doing, we forgot to ask “what are we doing” and “why are we doing”? Other than just escaping, the reason we read is to allow a writer to challenge us to think. We need an author to occasionally lead us on a mystical journey of feeling……..not just doing. Maybe it is even time to do that apology with your family…….just like you promised yourself? What is justice, I ask of you? Is it doing unto others? Is it a standard that we all agree on according to compliance and consensus? Or is Justice Retribution? Take some time to think and feel during these Holidays that are looming and ask yourselves……..is crime increasing as our doing is increasing? Is our community congealing with the doing, or are people lonelier than they have ever been?